All Apologies..

I'm sorry.

I jumped to conclusions.

Six months ago; that first kiss we shared? It was an experiment. I wanted to see if I'd even enjoy it. I studied you. It was all precisely mathematically calculated, and, in the end, only hurt you.

I'm so sorry.

For a while I wondered if the feeling might possibly be mutual. After months of contemplation on the subject, I ended up falling for you; I was completely and totally in love. God knows why.

I thought you felt the same way. I thought it would work out. After all, we were basically the same on the inside.

But that's true of anyone.

You told me the other day that as deeply in love with me as you were, you wouldn't consider me a "soulmate". I don't even believe in that concept. But you do, and that's why it hurts. Was that your way of giving up, or did you just become complacent with my love, settling for someone that wasn't really meant for you? We talked it over, I said it was fine, but really, it wasn't. It's not fine. I've had my heart shattered into a million pieces and you're not even sorry.

But in reality it's my fault. I played you. This wouldn't have happened had I minded my own damn business and not tried to start anything.

There's that old Queen song about how it's better to love for a year and lose than to have never even gotten the chance to try.

It's a lie.

If I hadn't loved you, I'd be happier now. And all the times I was happy with you before? I could have gone without them. You don't need me, I don't need you, and everything that's happened between us in the past half a year was a complete mistake.

But goddammit.

You won't even be able to read this.